Self Revolution

You know, I'm sitting here, and I'm thinking, "I don't like the way I'm living my life." I want a self-revolution, and I don't mean just in the physical sense. I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks, and earlier on the phone I asked him to start Weight Watchers with me. "I can't do this alone," I said. He asked why, and I said, "Because I don't have any self-discipline! You know that!" And he said, "Well, maybe by doing this, you'll learn some." And he has a point. I feel trapped inside my body, and it's not because anyone is telling me that I should feel trapped inside my body. With the way I'm going, I'm afraid I'm not gonna live past 50, and if I do make it there, it's not going to be without a host of health problems.

I want to change the way I feel, change the way I look, change the way I think. It's time to stop bullshitting and live the way I should be. For me.

F. Scott Fitzgerald's advice to Scottie, his daughter

F. Scott Fitzgerald closed a letter to his 11-year-old daughter Scottie with this list:

Things to worry about:

Worry about courage

Worry about cleanliness

Worry about efficiency

Worry about horsemanship

Things not to worry about:

Don’t worry about popular opinion

Don’t worry about dolls

Don’t worry about the past

Don’t worry about the future

Don’t worry about growing up

Don’t worry about anybody getting ahead of you

Don’t worry about triumph

Don’t worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault

Don’t worry about mosquitoes

Don’t worry about flies

Don’t worry about insects in general

Don’t worry about parents

Don’t worry about boys

Don’t worry about disappointments

Don’t worry about pleasures

Don’t worry about satisfactions

Things to think about:

What am I really aiming at?

How good am I really in comparison to my contemporaries in regard to:

a)    Scholarship

b)   Do I really understand about people and am I able to get along with them?

c)     Am I trying to make my body a useful instrument or am I neglecting it?

With dearest love,

Daddy.

I think that any girl (or any boy) at any age can take this advice. I don't really have much to say about it because I think that at its purest form, it says all that it needs to say. I just wish I had heard this as an 11-year-old because it would have saved me a lot of heartbreak later on. I mean, I don't need to worry about horsemanship, but the "Don't worry about disappointments" and "Don't worry about boys" would have been very nice to hear as a preteen. The question "Am I trying to make my body a useful instrument or am I neglecting it?" really stands out to me as well. Normally, I feel that people tell me to lose weight so I can stop being fat at them, but phrased in this manner, it is actually helpful gym advice.

Anyway, think of this as blog post .5 (or maybe .75?). I just had to say something about this when I found it here on flavorwire.

Hello, everyone! This is my first blog post, and I'm really posting this so I will have something on the page instead of just a blank slate. Because I'm anything but a blank slate. I think it's funny how every semester people begin talking about a new slate, a new start, when most of the time we fall right back into the same habits, you know? I'm just rambling. I'll have a more composed posting later!